I Will Not Die An Unlived Life

it said all.

Seriously, it is not a major decision in my life. It is just I am a bit disturbed by some bollocks in my office who never been out from the office and do not know how daffodils looks like and busy-body enough trying to talk me out to forgo my trip. I guess this is the bad voices in Mary Oliver's The Journey who always be the ones who say "you can't do this and that". Their "I-must-warn-you-because-I-care-and if-you-don't-I-will-tell-the-boss" attitude is really disturbing. GET A LIFE BEB!

Thanks dragon biscuit, klmuk and kakteh for your inspiring words in the comment box of my previous posting. As I look up to the quotes on the banner of my blog ,it said it all what I felt and what my decision going to be.

dilemma

I am facing a dilemma.

Stay, attend the compulsory in-house training, and brighten my chance
to get promotion?

OR

Follow my heart and go to NYC live up my dreams but forsaken a step higher in my career ladder?

If you are in my shoes, what will you do?

bosan day....................................

Boring.

Just wrote to FTC for an emergency grant in my last minute efforts to reduce the travelling cost to NYC.

Got the MAS ticket yesterday. RM4300 terbang beb! Alhamdulillah, so far everything in place. accommodation dah sorted out. I will stay at YMCA for a week (thanks Diz!), then to Hilary's apartment and after that tumpang rumah makcik Jane Nichols. Baru tahu yang rumah dia tak jauh dari Islamic Center New York. YMCA dengan Brick Theatre dalam 1 batu jalan kaki. Oklah. adat merantau.

Dah congak congak, ada dekat 16 performances kena tengok. satu performance $10. Workshops fees cecah $400. Harapnya sampai nanti workshop tak penuh lagi. Kalau FTC bagi grant tu lega lah bukan sikit ..BANYAK!

ah this time sempat lah nak pergi memorial service di Ground Zero on the 11th Sept. Nasib baik most of classes and performances start sebelah petangnya. Pagi pagi bolehlah merayau ke Times Square and naik Feri Staten Island (free) sambil tengok Statue of Liberty and Manhattan dari jauh (ala view macam dalam postcard tu).

Kenyataan Akhbar: Esok Berkabung

Kuala Lumpur - 20 Ogos

Jurucakap bagi pihak DR Bubbles memaklumkan bahawa tiada sebarang posting esok sebagai tanda perkabungan. Namun apabila ditanya media, jurucakap yang tidak mahu dikenali memberitahu bahawa ia tidak ada kena mengena dengan perkahwinan Siti Nurhaliza dan Datuk K esok.

Media juga dimaklumkan bahawa Dr Bubbles sedang berkhalwat di kaki Gunung Ledang sambil menunggu "khabar penting" dari kampungnya di Jerantut. Apabila ditanya kot kot Dr Bubbles berada di kaki Gunung Ledang untuk mengenen-ngenen Gusti Puteri Raden Ajeng Retno Dumilah. Menurutnya, Gusti Puteri tak ada di istananya kerana sedang membintangi teater muzikal di Kuala Lumpur yang bertajuk;

" Strawberi, Petai dan Coklat"

Cerita Hari Ini

Saya belajar sesuatu hari ini.

"Jangan sesekali menghalang rezeki orang lain "

Kembali kepada usaha saya untuk menuntut ilmu di New York City bulan depan. Baru sahaja menelefon Northwest Airlines. Tiket ke New York sekitar RM4000. Tiket penerbangan Singapore Airlines pula apabila ditanya kepada agen pelancongan pula mencecah hampir RM7000. Mahalnya!

Saya sebenarnya masih bimbang jikalau pinjaman bank saya tidak diluluskan. Hanya minggu depan kata putus dari bank baru dapat diperolehi. Kalau diluluskan terpaksa menunggu seminggu lagi untuk menunaikan cek itu. Memang "kerja gila" membuat pinjaman bank semata mata untuk ke New York City. Namun saya punyai alasan tersendiri mengapa berbuat demikian demi mencapai cita-cita dan impian saya. Saya percaya segala usaha dengan niat yang baik pasti akan dipermudahkan Allah.

Lewat malam tadi dikejutkan pula oleh deringan telefon bimbit. Rupa-rupanya Yusof, teman serumah yang sedang berehat di rumah orang tuanya di Putrajaya setelah menjalani pembedahan kecil memaklumkan bahawa teman sekerjanya di Tourism Malaysia New York telah menghubungi beliau berkenaan dengan hal penginapan di sana. Saya telah menulis beberapa hari yang lalu kepada pegawai Tourism Malaysia, Puan Norizah di New York City meminta bantuan untuk mencari rumah orang Malaysia untuk menumpang sewaktu di sana. Setelah berbincang dengan suaminya, beliau bermurah hati menawarkan bantuan untuk menumpangkan saya di rumahnya semasa saya di sana kelak.

Manakala pagi ini, Puan Blogreader pula menawarkan bantuan untuk menaja kos penginapan di asrama-asrama belia yang berdekatan dengan Brick Theatre, tempat berlangsungnya The New York Clown Festival itu nanti. Saya terharu sebenarnya dengan kemurahan hati teman teman yang baru saya kenali ini. Tanpa berfikir panjang terus menghulurkan bantuan kepada seorang asing dalam hidup mereka.

Saya fikir inilah mungkin pengajaran yang ibu bapa saya selalu tekankan kepada kami agar berbuat baik dengan orang lain kerana mungkin satu hari nanti budi baik kita dibalasi jua dengan cara yang tidak disangka-sangka.

Kerana itulah, kami tidak soalan panjang untuk membawa seorang mangsa kemalangan jalanraya berbangsa asing ke hospital biarpun tinggal nyawa-nyawa ikan. Dan tanpa ragu-ragu menumpang "backpackers" yang menunggu bas yang tak kunjung tiba di Jeti Kuala Tembeling ke Jerantut. Atau pun menjamu air kelapa sekumpulan pelajar-pelajar perubatan yang sedang mengikuti program penyemburan aedes di kawasan perumahan kami.

Oleh sebab itu lah saya masih tidak jemu menghulurkan bantuan kepada "strangers" tanpa banyak soal. Semoga dikala susah, ada sahaja orang orang yang baik hati tampil membantu saya pula.

(Nota: Adakah tulisan saya ini berbunyi kelakar di dalam Bahasa Malaysia?? Ala saya baru berusia 30 tahun. Hahahaha!)

stupid conversation

On YM today with a long lost friend.

Mr X: adik2 ko dah kawin ke?
adabi99: adik aku dah
adabi99: tinggal lagi 3
Mr X: ko nie tak ader calon lagi ke...
adabi99: hek ele
Mr X: atau sibuk sgt dgn career
adabi99: ko ni punya lama tak jumpa pasal kawin ko sibuk tanya aku
adabi99: tanyala benda lain yang sesuai sikit
Mr X: ok ler... sorry.. sensitive ko skrg nie
adabi99: bukan ko sorang aje yang tanya malah beribu ribu orang
tanya
adabi99: lama lama malas nak jawab beb
Mr X: ok ler...
adabi99: u don't have to worry whether i wil get marry or
not
adabi99: let me worry about that
adabi99: ok
Mr X: mcm mana dgn clown ko ty
adabi99: hope you understand
adabi99: ok
adabi99: will do my workshop soon

By the way I am seeing pyschiatrist next week to figure out what I am not married yet. If it still does not settle my problem, I am going to Medan to get one. Puas hati??

Nota: Dont' worry ! tiada cewek cewek Medan yang di"rosakkan" dalam perbualan yang sungguh bengong ini.

unstuck

I love these words in a letter by artist Sol Le Witt to an unknown painter in the early 1960s , Eva Hesse who wrote to him asking for advice on how to get unstuck.

“Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting,fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, gasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, rumbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning…searching, perching, besmirching, grinding grinding grinding away at yourself.

Stop it and just DO…

Try tickle something inside you, your “weird humor.” You belong in the most secret part of you. Don’t worry about cool, make your own uncool. If you fear, make it work for you – draw and paint your fear and anxiety. And stop worrying about big, deep things such as “to decide on a purpose and way of life..”

You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty. Then you will be able to DO! I have much confidence in you and even though you are tormenting yourself, the work you do is very good. Try to do some BAD work. The worst you can think of and see what happens but mainly relax and let everything go to hell.”

Eva Hesse abandoned her painting career and went on to create sculptures and became a major artist by the the time she was 30. Sadly, Hesse had only a few short years in which to fulfill her creative vision. She died of cancer, in 1970, at 34.

pakcik besar & petai dipped in chocolate

Please call me Pakcik Besar.
And I will send you a bowl of petai dipped in chocolates!

New York Clown Festival

Hilary Chaplain's " A day in her Life"

I am frantically at the moment trying to work out plans to go to New York City next month. The reason: 1st New York Clown Festival at The Brick Theatre in Brooklyn, held from 1st to 24th Sept 2006. Lots of workshops and performances by various artists. Hilary Chaplain and Drew Richardson, two wonderful clowns I met during Eccentric Performing 05 will be performing their work there. What interest me most are the master-classes by Sue Morrison, Chris Bayes and Jef Johnson in particular. Philippe Gaulier's class is already full. Heard today that even Bill Irwin will be around on the 10th Sep. I want to meet this guy inspiring prince clown and award winning actor.

Drew Richardson

Just submitted my bank loan application to fund the trip. I pray that it will go through within 2 weeks. Only after that I can book the place in the workshops. I wrote to Emirates. Hopefully they can sponsor my trip there. I keep my fingers cross on this.

Accommodation in NYC is very expensive. This time around I can't even afford to pay USD30 per night at youth hostel or YMCA. Luckily fellow rantauan and sentraalstation member, mrs. blogreader saved the day. Sleeping on the sofa in her living room in Hoboken is good enough for me during the stint.

Hospital Clowning Workshop

I will be conducting hospital clowning workshop for public & volunteers alike next month.

Here are the details:

Venue: Yayasan SALAM Malaysia, 8 Jalan Utara, Petaling Jaya.

Date : 2nd September 2006 (Saturday)

Time : 9 am - 12 pm / 2pm - 4 pm

Fee : Free!

Please note:

• Bring your own food & drinks (compulsory) - ilmu dahlah free takkan nak bagi duit makan lagi?
• Bring your own props (optional) - Kalau tak ada idea boleh bawa periuk nasi/senduk / blender ke..hehe
• Dress code: comfortable attire as you have to do lots of movement and improvisation exercise.

Contact me to REGISTER as the place is limited.First come first serve basis.

Email : iskandar@makna.org.my or 019-6925192.